Books and Banshees

Can Dracula outrun a horde of banshee librarians?...yes you read that right! Join us on a thrilling odyssey as we accompany Dracula on his quest for a legendary weapon that takes him within the mystical Eternal Library. Picture floating crystals casting a ghostly blue light over towering bookshelves, as our favorite vampire navigates through a library filled with enchantments and peril. From his pet Mimi getting frozen by a strict Banshee librarian to seeking guidance from a magical mirror named Kevion, Dracula's journey is whimsical yet spine-chilling. The discovery of "The Legend of the Most Legendary Sword of Legends, Volume 69" sets the stage for a series of magical mishaps that will leave you on the edge of your seat.

The excitement doesn't stop there. When Dracula attempts to steal the book, he inadvertently triggers an alarm that turns the library into a dangerous maze. Fleeing from banshees and flying books, he finds refuge in a peculiar book fort with eccentric former library safety inspectors. This surreal adventure is peppered with humor, especially when Dracula and his companions face an ocean of books and a horde of angry banshees. In a desperate escape, a page from a legendary sword book becomes their saving grace.. You won't want to miss this spellbinding blend of suspense, magic, and laughter!

Transcript

Narrator: Dracula enters the Library, the large mystic doors creak open as words of magic on the doorframe glow an eerie blue light, the library lights up slowly, the same pale blue emanating from strange floating crystals, hundreds if not thousands of rows of books line inside each 100 feet tall, there is no sound emanating from within except the echo of dracula's footsteps as he walks across the entrance…………….he sees Mimi sitting on the floor wagging its tail…..a small part of the swords hilt sticking out of it large mouth like a chew toy………….seriously what is that! 

(unknown whisper)……….shhhhhhhhhhhh no yelling in the library… 

Narrator: oh sorry……where was I?

Mimi: Bark Bark…. Me

Narrator: oh yes “the mimi”. Sits on the floor wagging its tail, looking like it enjoyed it’s game of chase with its master……. It looks at the dracula and barks excitedly wanting to keep playing……

Dracula: Mimi shhhhhhh………don’t bark in the library, you’ll wake the………….

Narrator: suddenly the nearby lights go out……whoosh……..and a cold chill fills the air, and fog rolls in from above…… Before Dracula can react he sees mimi frozen solid, encased in ice………..and floating overhead……. A large pale gray creature with long flowing white hair, in old rags………. It appears mimi has disturbed the librarian.

Dracula: ummm hello, Miss Banshee ... .I apologize for Mimi…. It got excited and wandered in

The Librarian: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH……... .. no loud noises in the library……… last warning……

Narrator: she says with a cold low voice as she floats back up to continue organizing boots…..
As she floats away the lights reignite with their normal pale glow….as the library returns to…………….Normal.

Dracula: well, time to grab my sword

Player: I reach out to mimi and grab the hit of the sword.

Narrator: as soon as Dracula touches the hilt the sword breaks in half from the ice, and his hand burns with the chilling magic of the banshee's icy breath………..

Dracula: OUCH! (drop sound effect)

Well….so much for using that sword……….

Dracula: welp I guess I shall return to my study and think of a new perfect plan, and how to get a legendary weapon!

Muffled barking

Dracula: oh yes……..and to find a way to unfreeze you mimi………… you should have listened to me when I said not to run! 

DM: as dracula says this a book falls from one of the high bookcases and hits dracula on the head.

THUD!
D: Ouch! This library is dangerous! 

Player: I pick up the book, and examine it

Dracula: The Eternal library resource guide? Home to all knowledge…..yes and legendary swords, and epic quests for vampires trying to win the hearts of fair maidens

Narrator: That is way too specific! 

DM: SHHHHHHHHHHHHH………the universe is trying to give dracula a clue, HINT HINT

Narrator: AHHHH…… I GOT YOU!......... the doors to the library suddenly slam shut trapping dracula inside………

Dracula: Well that's odd???

Pl: I’m not allowed to leave till I read some books, am I?

DM: Nope….. The “library” wants Dracula to read some books.

Player: Fine, I'll read some    $%@&  Plot books…..

Dracula: Well, I guess since I'm here I might as well see if maybe they have any books on Legendary weapons or quests I could do to win the heart of my future bride! 

Narrator: while you’re at it maybe some books on dating for dummies also.

Player: I walk over to the reception desk

Dracula walks slowly to the large desk in the center of the main chamber…… empty except for a large rectangular object covered in a blanket…

Dracula: Time for answers! 

Narrator: dracula pulls the blanket off the object, revealing a large strange mirror….

Dracula: Mirror mirror on the wall….. Where is the book I seek amongst them all

Narrator: the mirror begins to glow and……….wait a minute why does this all seem familiar?

Mirror: I am the great and powerful mirror, blessed with foresight I can………… oh I’m still in the library….. Urgh………. Welcome to the eternal library,  How may Kevion the Great help you today?

Dracula:  hi Kevin, I’m looking for a book on Legendary weapons and where I can find one!

Kevion: my name isn't kevin, it’s Kevion the GREAT!……..….and you can find all things legendary in isle 1475, row 23 section 82…….you will need a ladder 

Dracula: thanks Kevin! 

Kevion: my name is not……….

Player: before he can finish I turn and head deeper into the library

TRANSITION

Narrator: many many hours later, at least it would be if time worked inside the eternal library.


Dracula: 1472………..1473……1474…….ah here it is finally! 1475

Now I just need to find the lad….

Narrator: before dracula can finish the word with a rush, and cloud of dust a ladder comes rolling down the line and stops in front of him.

SWOOOOOOOOOOSH!

Dracula: well thats convenient 

Player: I climb up the many many many ladder rungs till I get to row 23.

DM: Alright, give me a perception check.

Player: 12

DM……alright that works………… you see a long row of hundreds of books each one describing various types of legendary weapons, armor, and items throughout history……one book particularly catches your eye……….a large leather bound book that has a large image of golden sword on the cover….

Dracula: oooh this might be the one….

Narrator: Dracula leans in and reads the cover…. 

Dracula: The Legend of the most legendary sword of all legends, volume 69

Narrator:……….. Who wrote this?.......oh the author's name has been redacted for………breaking terms of service, how do you break the terms of service as a book???

……..you know what I don’t want to know, sadly I think Dracula will answer that question shortly….

Player: I reach over and grab the book

Narrator: as dracula tries the pull the book off the shelf, it remains stuck as a magical glyph appears over it saying  “error 403 Library card not detected”

Dracula: DRAT! I need this book…….hmmmmm

Player: I look my right and left to see if any of the librarians are down this isle

Narrator: Dracula looks left and right and sees no one……….the cost looks clear.

Player: I cast Dispel magic, at 5th level, and point blank range directly on the glyph

Narrator: with Flash of light and the sound of shattering glass the glyph vanishes

Dracula: a aha the library was no match for the lord of darkness

Player: I say as I grab the book! 

DM: as soon as the book leaves the shelf all the blue lights turn RED and start flashes as loud bells start ringing and you here somewhere over head a loud voice saying 

INTERCOM: warning warning access violation in sector eighty two warning warning access violation in sector eighty two


N: as the alarms sound the library begins to transform as the rows of books lift and begin to change directions creating an elaborate maze………the ladder dracula was standing on vanishes without a trace causing the him to crash down to the floor 

CRASH!!! 

Dracula: OUCH…….. How did this place pass inspections! 

Narrator: the inspectors never left…..we are still looking for them. 

[Banshee screech]

Narrator: I’d run if I were you.

Dracula: Good idea

Narrator: Dracula takes off down the isle that once was the library and is now the universe's largest maze, Books fly off the shelves trying to knock him over, and ladders rush by in the blink of an eye striking him on the shoulders, leaping over holes that appear in the ground in front of him, overhead the sound of banshees draws ever closer as they continue to search for the book thief….. 

Dracula: Why is everything trying to kill since I got here! 

Narrator: dracula takes a turn in the maze and stumbles upon a curious sight………a Book fort? At a dead end in the maze

Dracula: What is this doing…….

SCREECH!!!

Dracula: ah screw it!  

Player: I dive inside the fort!



Narrator: as soon as dracula enters the screams go silent…………… and he finds himself face to face with 3 figures.

Dracula: ummmmmm….. Hello

Inspector 1: ahh A visitor hello We haven't had visitors in 45 years

Inspector 2: 46 years

Inspector 3: what speak up I can't hear you, dang banshee scream, One of them got me after the chase of 52 or was it 57

Inspector 1: It was 61 you old fart! 57 is when Inspector 7247 challenged inspector 8591 to a duel over the last shoe to eat. Both of them died of heart attacks but we feasted after cuz we got all the shoes!!!

Dracula: Who is he talking to?

Narrator: Dracula says to himself as he stands before a single Very Old Man dressed in books with a beard hanging to the floor talking to two skeletons.

Inspector 1:oh but where are our manners, we have a guest my friend, allow me to introduce myself…….I am Inspector 3238, of the Bureau of Knowledge, and these are my lively associates inspector 7247, and 8591

Inspector 2-3: please to meet ya

Narrator: Dracula notices the two skeletons have distinct name tags on the cover of each showing inspector 7247 and inspector 8591.

Narrator: poor chap………being stuck in here, done drove him looney

Dracula: I agree, this is crazy even for me, and I talk to dead people everyday! 

Inspector 2: would ya like something to eat and drink sunny, we were just about to have dinner! 

Dracula: well I have nowhere else to be currently, and there’s an army of banshees outside…..so yes thank you

Inspector 3: What was that fellas? Speak up! I can't hear ya from the stupid screeching outside……Dang banshees…… They be louder than me wife.

Narrator: there's no sound of banshees coming from outside……..i’d call you crazy, but we are way past that now, you make my second ex wife look sane! 

Inspector 1: Here have a drink, an Encyclopædia Britannica 1783, A very good yeah

Inspector 2: I honestly prefer the later vintage Britannica 1797, it had volume 

Narrator: The inspector holds out a cup to Dracula filled with shredded paper 

Inspector 1: A toast to new friends! 

[Glug glug sound effect] 

Narrator: …That man just shotgunned that like a frat boy does beer…

Dracula: uuuhhhhh

Narrator: Do it!

Dracula: But..

Narrator: Do it, Count Puss Puss! Find your balls and do it!

Dracula: Why are you encouraging book drinking? 

Narrator: You have the chance to actually earn the respect of a dwarf. Do it, ya knife-ear!

Dracula: huh screw it……………glug ouch! I cut my tongue….

Narrator: …I’m equally impressed that you did it, and saddened that you were dumb enough to actually do it.

DING! 

Inspector 1: ah dinner is ready?

Narrator: he stands and heads over to a stack of books in the shape of an oven……..as Dracula looks closer he realizes they are all…………. I hate you for this…………COOKBOOKS!

Inspector 1: here friend, a nice big helping.

Narrator: Dracula is a plate with a large  book in the center, and what appears to be shredded pieces of paper as a side dish.

Dracula: So Inspectors………..umm do you know how to leave the library?

Inspector 1: ah yes it’s really easy to get back to the lobby, all you Have to do is take a left at the fiction go all the way down to the autobiographies take three rights then go down take your second left at The Thrillers not the horror Thrillers this would be the psychological thrillers then you keep moving forward until you hit the histories then take left

Inspector 2: no you take a right at histories I tell you get to the children's section from there you take the second right at the romance erotica section And you can keep going until you reach it to do it yourself section from there you take a left and follow the center Coffee until you meet the lost and found section from there you take your third left and you keep going until you reach the political Intrigue Thriller section from there you take a right and you keep going until you reach the lobby but if you reach the nonfiction section you've gone too far you need to go back about tell you see the what do they call that thing….

Inspector 1:  No no no no you have to take the second right at the Lost……

Dracula: Can you just please show me the way! 

ALL Inspectors: oh sure we’d be glad to sunny 

To the garage! 

Dracula: garage?

Inspector 1: yes if we are To leave this place it needs to be in style. 



Narrator: a……garage door made of books opens revealing a second large room with…………is that a Shelby GT 350 Mustang…… made of red books on cars?!

Inspector 2: Cuz the red ones go faster!

Dracula: but what about the banshees

Inspector 2: oh don’t worry about them they won’t be able to keep up with this baby….

Narrator: the…….

Dracula: Bookmobile! 

N:.........(sigh) thundered down the isle racing past the flying books and screaming banshees! The inspector driving with dracula riding shotgun……and the 2 skeletons in the bank seat flailing about…..

Narrator: how did they make a working racing car out of books! 

DM: MAGIC!

Narrator: that's your answer for everything! This isn’t batman

Dracula: I am batman! 

Player: he’s got point……..he’s more batman then batman.

Inspector 2: Well acktushlly- 

Inspector 1: Now now, don’t get him started sonny-boy. He was lost in the comic book section for twenty years…………Car driftsound effect…………..we just passed the histories section, were about half way there now sunny! 

Inspector 3: Banshee 6 o clock! 

Inspector 1: Get on the Gun sunny! 

Dracula: The what?!

Narrator: as he says this the center…..book compartment sliders open and a large gun comprised of gun books, rises out of it on a mount, dracula hopes behind it and takes aim at the nearest banshee!

Dracula: This is for freezing my pet! 

Narrator: dracula pulls the trigger, and unleashing a frenzied blast of……….. Bookmarks?......ahh bookmarks at the flying monsters, pelting them in the all over.

The nearest banshee not prepared for this contraception is stunned by the blast and flys straight into one of the library bookshelves causing it to topple over with a load crash! THUDDDDD

Books fly everywhere in a fury of paper and leather!

Inspector 2: Nice shot sunny! That’ll teach them to mess with us! 

Dracula: I've never loved reading more than I do now!! 

INTERCOM: intruder detected in sector thirty seven intruder detected in sector thirty seven all security personnel apprehend  intruder immediately 

Narrator: the crew roll down the isle continuing to swerve back and forth to avoid the banshees screams and fly by as dracula continues to use the mounted gun to try and keep them at bay..

Dracula: This isn’t working, we need stronger ammo, it’s only slowing them down! 

Inspector 2: Here sunny use this Sunny! Banshees hate it!

Dracula: a lighter?
 
Narrator: the inspector winks at dracula and eyes the gun

Player: uh………..I light the end of the barrel on fire

Dracula: BURN you banshee B********

Narrator: the the flying bookmarks ignites in a firing blaze leaping out of the gun in a cone of vicious fire

Wait a minute………did they just convert their book gun into a book flamethrower?

Player: YES WE DID!


N: a scream of horror and pain the banshees scatter as they are lit on fire, many of the flames spread to the books causes the old dry tomes to light up, and fire quickly lumps up the bookshelves behind the racing car……….the eternal maze is burning

Intercom: damage detected in sector thirty seven repair team report to sector thirty seven 

Inspector 1: We just passed the Thriller section! One more right then it’s straight on to the lobby!

Inspector 3: Banshees 12 o clock blocking the road! 

Dracula: Oh Drat! They don’t stop coming

Narrator: maybe cause you lit they’re workplace on fire?

A hoard of banshees hovers in 100 feet in front of the bookmobile as it comes racing down maze blocking the turn

Dracula: What do we do now?

Inspector 2: HOLD ON SUNNY THIS IS GOING TO GET BUMPY!!! 

Dracula: what?!

Narrator: the inspector guns the engine, the bookmobile lurches forward, it’s front wheels raising off the floors as he turns it sharp directly into the nearest bookcase on the right! 

With a loud crash the vehicle strikes the bookshelf! 

Inspector 2: Hit the NOS!



Narrator:  Protected by the Power of family, with a burst of speed! the bookmobile shoots up the bookshelf as is begins to topple onto the other side of the maze, bookshelf after bookshelf crash into each other as the domino effect spreads, an avalanche of books, and papers flying down the halls in a sea of paper…..and riding on top of it all………..the bookmobile! 

Inspector 1: looks like we are now on a boat! 

Inspector 3: arrrggg I always wanted to be a pirate!! 

Dracula: This is the best day of my life!! 

Inspector 2: ahoy captain………off the starboard bow, bout a half a mile, I see the lobby!

Narrator: The bookmobile sails down the library hall on a wave of books toward the lobby 
The banshees seeing their prey escape their trap fly after them but aren’t able to keep up with the raging current of falling books

BARK BARK!

Dracula: MIMI!

Narrator: swimming in the sea of books the mimi paddles towards the boat while floating on an overturned reading table…

Player: I cast mage hand and grab Mimi and pull it onto the boat! 

Dracula: stay………good chest! 

Narrator: mimi wags it’s tail happy to be out of the…….bookly water

Narrator: the boat sails across what once was the lobby toward the library doors that are now open.

Inspector 1: We're home free now sunny!

Dracula: we need to slow down or we will crash into the wall outside the door, hit the brakes! 

Inspector 2: ahhaa you know I knew I forgot something

Dracula: let me gues………..we don’t have any breaks?

Inspector 2: nope………hahehehehehehheh 

Dracula. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Inspector 3: YOLO!

Narrator: the bookmobile soars through the air sailing straight for the barrier! 

Dracula, Inspector 2, 3, 1: ABANDON SHIP!

Mimi: Bark!



N: all………..5?…….3?……….dive into the booky rapids, disappearing under waves of white paper… (splash sound effect)……. the bookmobile continues to surf on the wave of books until suddenly crashing into a magical barrier in the doorway and explodes in a shower of literature!... 

The torrent of information continues to break against the magical barrier for several seconds before slowly calming down until the lobby is a glassy sea of knowledge.

DM: I never thought death by knowledge was possible for Dracula 

Player: Do I need to make a death saving throw or a wisdom saving throw?

DM: I’m thinking an Intelligence sav-

Narrator: before the nerds can debate more, Dracula's head pops out of the ocean of books, and spits out a bunch of confetti 

Dracula: Blah splipttt!...........I’m alive? I’m alive! I can’t believe we made it!

Inspector 3: wooo! Let's go again, sunny! 

Narrator: the inspector says popping up from under the books beside Dracula.

Their merriment was short lived however as they are interrupted by the deafening sound of a thousand angry banshee screams! 

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

Dracula: time to go! 

Player: I run for the door of the library

Narrator: as dracula gets close to the barrier, he is knocked backwards with a blast! 

Dracula: ooooooooof, why can’t I leave?! 

Intercom: emergency emergency security breach detected in sector one all security personnel report to sector one immediately eliminate all unauthorized personnel with extreme force 

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEM! 

N: the Banshee's cry in delight as the close in around dracula, now only 50 feet away from them! 

Dracula: it’s the book!

Player: I say as a take out the The Legend of the most legendary sword of all legends, volume 69….

Inspector 1: leave it sunny or none of us are getting out of here! 

Dracula: But I need it! 

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEM!

Dracula: Drat!

PL: I quickly open the book, and skim rapidly through the pages

DM: you come across a page  with a large glowing sword, and in bold letters over it reads Caliber the Legendary.

Player: I tear out the page, and throw the rest of the book toward the banshees! 

Dracula: YEEEET! 

Narrator:several banshees seeing their lost book dart toward it to catch it, however the rest of the hoard eyes dracula with anger, with a scream the hoard darts toward the company! 


Mimi: we must go master, yes yes,

Narrator: Mimi says while pulling on Dracula's cloak.

Inspector 1: the _____talking animal is right, Time to bounce sunny! 

Narrator: Mimi and the inspector…..s step through the barrier………..but as dracula tries to leave he still feels the barrier stopping him, though not as powerful as before……..

Dracula: ahh I still can’t leave! 

Player: I push as hard as I can against the barrier trying to pass through it! 

DM: as you push you feel your body slowly going through the barrier, it still tries to push you back detecting the page in your pocket, but you are able to slowly go through

Narrator: as dracula is halfway through the barrier the banshees close in from behind within striking distance! 

DM: alright give me a strength saving throw! 

Player:.......dice don’t fail me now! 

Dracula: Yes, don’t fail me now! 

Rolls…………….16!


Narrator: Dracula stumbles through the barrier just as the hoard of banshees crash into it hard! 

CRASHHH!!!!

Narrator: with a loud scream they cry out in anger at their lost property!

The doors to the Eternal library close with a loud creak……and slowly vanish from the castle leaving only a blank stone wall……………

Inspector 2: Oh crap!

Dracula: What?

Inspector 2: I forgot the keys to my house, we need to go back! 


End of Episode.
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